Life is GOOD!

I will just start this off by saying that I have learned more about myself in the last two months then I have in probably the last two years! A certain..."situation" caused me to take a step back and look at myself from a different perspective, and I realized that I need to change a lot of things about myself before the things that I am longing for can happen in my life. It is really hard at first to sit down and ask God to reveal to you the things that you need to change, but I can tell you that I have not felt so free or so alive in a VERY long time.

I started thinking about being in school, and it became very clear to me that I was a total control-freak about every aspect of it. I was a good student. I went to class, I was organized, I studied, and I did well. I could control my success, and after I graduated I had nothing else that I could control. I couldn't control my schedule, because I had no control over the stupid substitute jobs and when they would be available, and of course at the time I didn't realize what it was that was making me miserable, but it was a lack of control over my circumstances.

Soon after I graduated, the "situation" that caused all of this great revelation started happening, and at first everything was wonderful, and then things slowly started to go down hill. Now I don't take full blame for its failure, but once I pulled myself out of the chaos that I had created for myself, I realized that I was trying to control that "situation" since I could not control anything else. Instead of going with the flow, letting things happen the way they were supposed to, and just enjoying the moment, I tried to make things happen the way I thought they should have and ended up pushing away a really great opportunity.

I hate that things did not end up the way I was hoping they would have, but I can't tell anyone enough how happy I am now. Just being able to say to myself that I tend to be high-strung, up-tight, and controlling was enough to make me realize that I CAN NOT live like that anymore...and since that day I have changed. I am SO HAPPY. I can breathe a again. I feel free. I love my life, and I CAN NOT WAIT FOR EVERYTHING THAT LIES AHEAD!!!