Getting into the groove

I have almost been teaching for a month! It is really hard and I come home exhausted everyday, but it is so rewarding. I love all 75 of my students, and we have so much fun! I have to say that coming home to an empty apartment every night does get a little lonely, but it has given me a chance to think and figure out what I am looking for next. It is actually hard for me to admit that I am tired of being single. That means that I have to be ready to open up again. That scares me. I know it shouldn't, but it does. I think I am really ready this time though. Everything else has fallen into place, and I am ready for whatever or whoever comes my way next. :) I am finally getting into a groove and it feels really great! Romans 12:12.

Ch Ch Ch Changes!

My life is changing so fast! I am so blessed to have gotten my first teaching job at the first of July. I will be teaching 5th grade and I could not be more excited/scared. Professional Development starts August 8 and the first day of school is August 11. I move August 1. Lots and lots of planning, organizing, buying, packing, and unpacking is in my future...but I am so ready to get this show on the road that it is all worth it. Looking back I can see how every single person that I met or place that I went fit together to get me where I am now. It is so neat. didn't think I would ever get here and I remember begging God to show me just one piece of the puzzle so I would know what to expect...but now I am so glad that everything worked out the way it did. It is weird, but I feel like now that I have ALMOST everything that I have waited so long for, that I don't really want anything else. I mean, it would be nice to not be the only single cousin on both sides of my family...but I have made it this long without a man, so I am sure I can wait it out some more. :) Ohhh, and my sister got married in June. I will leave you with some pictures of my (completely undecorated) classroom.

Life is GOOD!

I will just start this off by saying that I have learned more about myself in the last two months then I have in probably the last two years! A certain..."situation" caused me to take a step back and look at myself from a different perspective, and I realized that I need to change a lot of things about myself before the things that I am longing for can happen in my life. It is really hard at first to sit down and ask God to reveal to you the things that you need to change, but I can tell you that I have not felt so free or so alive in a VERY long time.

I started thinking about being in school, and it became very clear to me that I was a total control-freak about every aspect of it. I was a good student. I went to class, I was organized, I studied, and I did well. I could control my success, and after I graduated I had nothing else that I could control. I couldn't control my schedule, because I had no control over the stupid substitute jobs and when they would be available, and of course at the time I didn't realize what it was that was making me miserable, but it was a lack of control over my circumstances.

Soon after I graduated, the "situation" that caused all of this great revelation started happening, and at first everything was wonderful, and then things slowly started to go down hill. Now I don't take full blame for its failure, but once I pulled myself out of the chaos that I had created for myself, I realized that I was trying to control that "situation" since I could not control anything else. Instead of going with the flow, letting things happen the way they were supposed to, and just enjoying the moment, I tried to make things happen the way I thought they should have and ended up pushing away a really great opportunity.

I hate that things did not end up the way I was hoping they would have, but I can't tell anyone enough how happy I am now. Just being able to say to myself that I tend to be high-strung, up-tight, and controlling was enough to make me realize that I CAN NOT live like that anymore...and since that day I have changed. I am SO HAPPY. I can breathe a again. I feel free. I love my life, and I CAN NOT WAIT FOR EVERYTHING THAT LIES AHEAD!!!

Finally a real teacher!

Wow. I have not updated in forever, and so much has happened. By the grace of God, I made it through student teaching and had the best time. I worked with two wonderful cooperating teachers, at two wonderful schools, with wonderful second and fifth graders. I could not have asked for a better experience. I went today and picked up my diploma, and my teaching license came in the mail! I am sooooo excited to start this new journey...terrified, but excited. If the right job comes along this semester I will take it, but for now I am just going to sub and see what happens. I am letting God steer the ship, and I know that as long as I lay everything in His hands, that it will all work out.

The verse that I have clung to over the past few weeks is "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12 I think that pretty much sums up everything that I need to remind myself of daily, and it has really helped me through some things that have been hard for me to deal with lately. The overwhelming sense of peace that comes from seeking the Lord with all of my heart makes me wonder why I ever feel that I can make it on my own.